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Saturday, August 8, 2009

At a Crossroads

It has been over a year since I started this blog and we ventured out on this journey to our daughter Sophia. The road we have been on has had many twists and turns, but we have always felt that we were supposed to be on it. If you follow this blog, you know that we have been fundraising for quite some time now--it seems like forever--and we still have a long way to go. Just recently I ventured out in my faith walk and for the first time fasted and prayed (the fasting was the new part for me!) for three specific requests, one of them being our adoption finances. We were to hear this past week whether or not we received a grant from an organization that has given substantial adoption grants to at least two people that I personally know. I had high hopes that God was going to use that agency to supply a good chunk of our funds. Well, we found out yesterday that our request was denied. To say that I was bummed is putting it mildly. Put that on top of not getting the last $2000 we need for the agency fee after a month of praying and waiting...you see why I'm at a crossroads.

In one direction I have the choice of taking this latest turn of events and saying that God is trying to tell us that we shouldn't be on this journey...He hasn't provided in what I feel is a timely fashion, so maybe this is His way of closing the door. In the other direction I have the choice of saying that God has something bigger and better planned, just keep trusting and taking baby steps forward. He doesn't need a grant agency to make this happen. But how long do I wait until I'm back to the first choice...you see why I'm at a crossroads.

I guess all of this to say that I could use your prayers right now. I'm not sure in which direction to turn. I'm so thankful for my husband who seems to be up when I'm down (and vice versa!) He doesn't talk as much about the adoption as I do (or blog about it!) but apparently he's been thinking and praying about it a lot recently, because when I was blubbering yesterday he said he's more sure than ever that we are supposed to do this. Maybe I'm being impatient, but I know that if our dossier is not to Taiwan before our home study is six months old (which it will be the beginning of October) then we have to redo the home study which will cost us more money...which we don't have to begin with! I'm tired of fundraising and asking the same people to buy this or donate that. I'm just being real here. However, I'm so grateful for those who have given in so many ways, and it's my feeling of accountability to them that really keeps me going some days--I'm not ready to give up yet because so many people have invested in our daughter's homecoming...you see why I'm at a crossroads?

I'm not sure what else to say except...

Thanks for your prayers...

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1 comment:

stephanie garcia said...

I wish I could give you a hug, and two thousand dollars! I also wish you didn't have to experience this time of uncertainty but I am believing God to do something great for you. Love you, sis!